396 lines
28 KiB
Plaintext
396 lines
28 KiB
Plaintext
%% #9
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<pre>
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(####)
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(#######)
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(#########)
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(#########)
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(#########)
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__&__ (#########)
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/ \ (#########) |\/\/\/| /\ /\ /\ /\
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| | (#########) | | | V \/ \---. .----/ \----.
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| (o)(o) (o)(o)(##) | | \_ / \ /
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C .---_) ,_C (##) | (o)(o) (o)(o) <__. .--\ (o)(o) /__.
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| |.___| /____, (##) C _) _C / \ () /
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| \__/ \ (#) | ,___| /____, ) \ > (C_) <
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/_____\ | | | / \ /----' /___\____ /___\
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/_____/ \ OOOOOO /____\ ooooo /| |\
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/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \
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Homer Marge Bart Lisa Baby Maggie
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THE SIMPSONS
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</pre>
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%%
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"The best thing is to look natural, but it takes makeup to look natural."<br>
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-- Calvin Klein
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%%
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"The ability of two men to put on gloves, stand toe-to-toe, and pummel each
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other into insensibility... is what separates us from the animals."<br>
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-- Jim, on Taxi
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%%
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"The Wright Bothers weren't the first to fly.
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They were just the first not to crash."
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%%
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After Goliath's defeat, giants ceased to command respect.<br>
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-- Freeman Dyson
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%%
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After adding two weeks to the schedule for unexpected delays, add two
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more for the unexpected, unexpected delays.
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%%
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After all, it is only the mediocre who are always at their best.<br>
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-- Jean Giraudoux
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%%
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After being asked by a waitress if he wanted his pizza cut into four
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slices or eight: "Better make it four. I don't think I can eat eight
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pieces."<br>
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-- Yogi Berra
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%%
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After living in New York, you trust nobody, but you believe
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everything. Just in case.
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%%
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After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box.<br>
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-- Italian proverb
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%%
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Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.<br>
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-- Leonard Brandwein
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%%
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Better to have loved a short girl, than never to have loved a tall.
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%%
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Besides a mathematical inclination, an exceptionally good mastery of
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one's native tongue is the most vital asset of a competent programmer.<br>
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-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
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%%
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Being right too soon is socially unacceptable
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%%
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Being average is being the best of the worst, or the worst of the best.
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%%
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An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.<br>
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-- Van Roy
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%%
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I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as
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they fly by.<br>
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-- Douglas Adams
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%%
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Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be
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drawn and quoted.<br>
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-- Fred Allen
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%%
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<b>Television</b>: the bland leading the bland.<br>
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-- (Anonymous)
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%%
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The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling,
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is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.<br>
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-- James Baldwin
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%%
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<b>Politeness</b>, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.<br>
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-- Ambrose Bierce
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%%
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good
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persons to do nothing.<br>
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-- Edmund Burke
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%%
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Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.<br>
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-- Joseph Campbell
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%%
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And now, what will become of us without any barbarians?
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Those people were a kind of solution.<br>
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-- C.P. Cavafy
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%%
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Tell me and I forget.
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Show me and I remember.
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Let me do and I understand.<br>
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-- Confucius
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%%
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There has been opposition to every innovation in the
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history of man, with the possible exception of the sword.<br>
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-- Benjamin Dana
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%%
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I have known a vast quantity of nonsense talked about bad
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men not looking you in the face. Don't trust that
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conventional idea. Dishonesty will stare honesty out of
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countenance, any day in the week, if there is anything to
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be got by it.<br>
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-- Charles Dickens
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%%
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Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man
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doesn't have to experience it.<br>
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-- Max Frisch
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%%
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Everything has been said before, but since nobody listens,
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we have to keep going back and beginning again.<br>
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-- Andre Gide
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%%
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The Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it.<br>
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-- John Gilmore
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%%
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Naturally the common people don't want war ... but after
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all it is the leaders of a country who determine policy, and
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it is always a simple matter to drag the people along. All
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you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and
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denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing
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the country to danger. It works the same in any country.<br>
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-- Hermann Goering
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%%
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There's no money in poetry, but there's no poetry in money either.<br>
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-- Robert Graves
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%%
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I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the
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little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my
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fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And
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when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its
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path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I
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will remain.<br>
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-- Frank Herbert<br>
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<i>Dune</i>, 1965
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%%
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Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.<br>
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-- Eric Hoffer
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%%
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Something always takes longer than you think, even if you take
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Hofstadters law into consideration.<br>
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-- Douglas Hofstadter
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%%
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Among economists, the real world is often a special case.<br>
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-- Horngren
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%%
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Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A
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terrible thing: no one to blame.<br>
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-- Erica Jong
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%%
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In the long run we are all dead.<br>
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-- John Maynard Keynes
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%%
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The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a
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little longer.<br>
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-- Henry Kissinger
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%%
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Being called a poetess brings out the terroristress in me.<br>
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-- Audre Lorde
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%%
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You don't stick a knife in a man's back nine inches and then
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pull it out six inches and say you are making progress.<br>
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-- Malcolm X
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%%
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If I'd known how old I was going to get, I'd have taken
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better care of myself.<br>
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-- George Meany
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%%
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Someone:<br>
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Oh tempura! Oh morays!
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<p>
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A second:<br>
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On my office door I have a cartoon by Larson that shows
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a bunch of eels standing around, sipping cocktails. The
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caption is: Social morays.
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<p>
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A third:<br>
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Ok, now everybody sing!<br>
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"When an eel bites your leg<br>
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And the pain makes you beg,<br>
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That's a moray!"<br>
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(Thank you Fusco Brothers)<br>
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-- (Clever folks)
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%%
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Oxymorons: student athlete, military intelligence, military
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justice, mercy killing, pollution-free.<br>
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-- (Various sages over the ages)
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%%
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A burro is an ass. A burrow is a hole in the ground. As a
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reporter, you are expected to know the difference.<br>
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-- (UPI Stylebook)
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%%
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Nobody believes the official spokesman ... but everybody
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trusts an unidentified source.<br>
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-- Ron Nessen
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%%
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After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party?
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Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their
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sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women
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over to your place by taxi.<br>
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-- P.J. O'Rourke
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%%
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I have often had the impression that, to penguins, man is
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just another penguin -- different, less predictable,
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occasionally violent, but tolerable company when he sits
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still and minds his own business.<br>
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-- Bernard Stonehouse
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%%
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The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of
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them to choose from.<br>
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-- Andy Tanenbaum
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%%
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Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.<br>
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-- Lily Tomlin
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%%
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Niklaus Wirth has lamented that, whereas Europeans pronounce
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his name correctly (Ni-klows Virt), Americans invariably
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mangle it into (Nick-les Worth). Which is to say that
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Europeans call him by name, but Americans call him by value.<br>
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-- (Unknown)
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%%
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Documentation is the castor oil of programming; the
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managers know it must be good because programmers hate
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it so much.<br>
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-- Weinberg
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%%
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[Of chess:] It is important to realize that you cannot win
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unless your opponent makes a mistake. There is no possibility
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of creating a win solely out of your own genius.<br>
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-- Ken Whyld
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%%
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Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.<br>
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-- Oscar Wilde
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%%
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<b>HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 1</b>
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<dl>
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<dt>proof by example:</dt>
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<dd> The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it
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contains most of the ideas of the general proof.</dd>
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<dt>proof by intimidation:</dt>
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<dd> 'Trivial'.</dd>
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<dt>proof by vigorous handwaving:</dt>
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<dd> Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.</dd>
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</dl>
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%%
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<b>HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 2</b>
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<dl>
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<dt>proof by cumbersome notation:</dt>
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<dd> Best done with access to at least four alphabets and special
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symbols.</dd>
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<dt>proof by exhaustion:</dt>
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<dd> An issue or two of a journal devoted to your proof is useful.</dd>
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<dt>proof by omission:</dt>
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<dd> 'The reader may easily supply the details'<br>
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'The other 253 cases are analogous'<br>
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'...'</dd>
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</dl>
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%%
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<b>HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 3</b>
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<dl>
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<dt>proof by obfuscation:</dt>
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<dd> A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless
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syntactically related statements.</dd>
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<dt>proof by wishful citation:</dt>
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<dd> The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of
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a theorem from the literature to support his claims.</dd>
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<dt>proof by funding:</dt>
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<dd> How could three different government agencies be wrong?</dd>
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<dt>proof by eminent authority:</dt>
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<dd> 'I saw Karp in the elevator and he said it was probably NP-
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complete.'</dd>
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</dl>
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%%
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<b>HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 4</b>
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<dl>
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<dt>proof by personal communication:</dt>
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<dd> 'Eight-dimensional colored cycle stripping is NP-complete
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[Karp, personal communication].'</dd>
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<dt>proof by reduction to the wrong problem:</dt>
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<dd> 'To see that infinite-dimensional colored cycle stripping is
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decidable, we reduce it to the halting problem.'</dd>
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<dt>proof by reference to inaccessible literature:</dt>
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<dd> The author cites a simple corollary of a theorem to be found
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in a privately circulated memoir of the Slovenian
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Philological Society, 1883.</dd>
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<dt>proof by importance:</dt>
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<dd> A large body of useful consequences all follow from the
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proposition in question.</dd>
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</dl>
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%%
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<b>HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 5</b>
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<dl>
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<dt>proof by accumulated evidence:</dt>
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<dd> Long and diligent search has not revealed a counterexample.</dd>
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<dt>proof by cosmology:</dt>
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<dd> The negation of the proposition is unimaginable or
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meaningless. Popular for proofs of the existence of God.</dd>
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<dt>proof by mutual reference:</dt>
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<dd> In reference A, Theorem 5 is said to follow from Theorem 3 in
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reference B, which is shown to follow from Corollary 6.2 in
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reference C, which is an easy consequence of Theorem 5 in
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reference A.</dd>
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<dt>proof by metaproof:</dt>
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<dd> A method is given to construct the desired proof. The
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correctness of the method is proved by any of these
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techniques.</dd>
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</dl>
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%%
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<b>HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 6</b>
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<dl>
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<dt>proof by picture:</dt>
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<dd> A more convincing form of proof by example. Combines well
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with proof by omission.</dd>
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<dt>proof by vehement assertion:</dt>
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<dd> It is useful to have some kind of authority relation to the
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audience.</dd>
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<dt>proof by ghost reference:</dt>
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<dd> Nothing even remotely resembling the cited theorem appears in
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the reference given.</dd>
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</dl>
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%%
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<b>HOW TO PROVE IT, PART 7</b>
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<dl>
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<dt>proof by forward reference:</dt>
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<dd> Reference is usually to a forthcoming paper of the author,
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which is often not as forthcoming as at first.</dd>
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<dt>proof by semantic shift:</dt>
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<dd> Some of the standard but inconvenient definitions are changed
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for the statement of the result.</dd>
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<dt>proof by appeal to intuition:</dt>
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<dd> Cloud-shaped drawings frequently help here.</dd>
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</dl>
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%%
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"I can't do anything to the death - doctor's orders."<br>
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-- Woody Allen, "Love and death"
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%%
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"I can't face the world in the morning.
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I must have coffee before I can speak."<br>
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-- Joseph Cotton in Shadow of a Doubt
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%%
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"I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking
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his keys in his car; the other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell
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beating up a child."<br>
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-- Steven Wright
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%%
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"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try
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to please everyone."<br>
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-- Bill Cosby
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%%
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I know you believe you understand what you think I said.<br>
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But I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.<br>
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-- Anonymous
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%%
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If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was
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standing on the shoulder of giants.
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-- Isaac Newton
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If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants
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were standing on my shoulders.
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-- Hal Abelson
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In computer science, we stand on each other's feet.
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-- Brian K. Reed
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